Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance. The 5 stages of grief have been outlined in a variety of books, articles and internet pages. I’ve heard about how these stages are not often linear but cyclical, intertwined, and complex. Grief has certainly never been linear in my experience.
But this week I am fully practicing grief in the denial stage. It’s our last gathering of Conklins before us Pennsylvania Conklins depart for Cambodia and we are at the beach house. The waves and sand, sunsets and naps have managed to keep me present in the moment, thinking only of now and feeling only the sensations of my body. But today we said goodbye to the Montana Conklins and I’m suddenly aware of the impending end of vacation and how each goodbye brings us a little closer to the end of our lives here.
As I lay near my little one, watching her fall asleep, all the thoughts crowded in again. To-do lists. Packing. Forms. Organizing. Sorting. Planning. Learning. Have I done enough to help my children say goodbye? What other meaningful moments do I need to ensure happen? How do I stay present with my children while I am so actively denying the uncomfortable feelings that come with this transition? She sleeps so peacefully, unaware of how much her world is about to change. Meanwhile I watch, think and try to deny the feelings of grief that come with this loss.
A very heartfelt message…..
yes!
Sending hugs and prayers!
My dear daughter, yes, I’m taking liberty here, but I do see you as a daughter, friend and much more.
BREATHE
Take another cleansing Breath….
Feel your emotions,etc…and picture yourself standing in the ocean…do you feel how the waves and the sinking into the sand can throw you off balance??
When you feel that, what you do…you move, you step to the side or back up to get your balance again. The ebbs and flow of life.
I’m gently reminding you, in Every Moment you have done the best that you could.
We all make mistakes as parents, there is No F’in manuel to help us, we trust our instincts moment to moment, change what we can and lovingly forgive ourselves as we take the next step.
The more relaxed you are the more relaxed the girls will be. Worrying will change nothing, only add to the anxiety.
How does one prepare for the unknown, you can’t, delegate the tasks at hand, Breathe and know that there are MANY praying for each of you…sending you love and light. Feel the Love and Strength of God and the Angels, rely on them, ASK them for Help. They’re waiting to help but you need to ASK…give it ALL to them.
You are each loved beyond measure.